MoMusings

Yes it’s that time of the year again when the Internet gets the equivalent of a ’spring-clean’.

So, as a Public Service I’m getting the word out on this important topic via my blog.

Annual Internet Cleaning Day!

As many of you know, each year the Internet must be shut down for 24 hours in order to allow us to clean it. The cleaning process, which eliminates dead email, inactive ftp and www sites, dead blogs and empty USENET groups, makes for a better working and quicker Internet.

This year we’ve added a new service; electromagnetic fumigation. This new service will hopefully eliminate all software and hardware bugs as well as eliminating all malicious software; viruses, trojans, worms and bots. Not only that but our improved cleaning techniques which uses high level electromagnetic wave generators will also remove all adware and spyware.

As usual the cleaning process will take place from 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 1 until 12:01 a.m. GMT on April 2 (the time least likely to interfere with ongoing work). During that 24-hour period, powerful Internet search engines situated around the world will search the Internet and delete any data that they find and our electromagnetic fumigators will delete all bugs, malware, spyware and adware.

In order to protect your valuable data from deletion we ask that you do the following:

1. Disconnect all terminals and local area networks from their Internet connections.
2. Shut down all Internet servers, or disconnect them from the Internet.
3. Disconnect all disks and hard drives from any connections to the Internet.
4. Refrain from connecting any computer to the Internet in any way, even via your mobile phone or PDAs.
5. Keep all storage devices including tapes and disks at least 100 feet from any Internet connection, such as phone sockets or network ports.

We understand the inconvenience that this may cause some Internet users, and we apologise. However, we are certain that any inconveniences will be more than made up for by the increased speed and efficiency of the Internet, once it has been cleared of electronic flotsam and jetsam as well as all the bugs and malware that have been clogging it up since last years spring-clean.

In the unlikely event that you get too near a network or Internet connection point whilst cleaning is in progress, then please immediately report any of the following occurrences and we will do our utmost to resolve the situation:

1. Reality seems slightly distorted or clocks run slower, stop or run backwards.
2. Loss of hair, teeth, memory or limbs.
3. Temporal displacement (you find yourself hurled back or forwards in time).
4. You find yourself in an alternate universe.
5. Your heart stops or you cease to exist.

We thank you for your cooperation.

Pia Lorolf
Internet Cleaning Services
Tel: 27745 3665
“We Clean-Up The ‘Net”

So, do your part - make sure that your computer and all other Internet connecting devices are not used during this cleaning period.

If you are reading this while the Internet is being cleaned then log off now, quickly, otherwise all you data will be deleted!!!

Oh, all right, no it won’t.

— Yes, this is a joke, just in case you didn’t get the significance of the date it was posted on